Anyone whose ever gone against the status quo knows that sometimes you have to be a little diplomatic when sticky situations arise. 

This is especially true if you’re vegan in a  non-vegan world because eating is something we all have to do to survive. It’s an activity that is linked to nurturing, pleasure and celebration. By simply being vegan you are questioning the way that most people eat. You’re stating that you don’t want to eat that way - whether you speak up or not. 

You might need to employ a little vegan diplomacy every now and then to keep the peace. Read on to discover how best to deal with those who insist on giving you the third degree.

1. Coming out: your vegan debut

As a new vegan, you’ll eventually have to let people know about the decision you’ve made unless you plan to live as a hermit. This can be tricky in some situations, depending on who you need to tell, your relationship to them and their attitudes to food.

For many people food is associated with love and caring for others and a rejection of it can be misread as a rejection of that person’s affection for you. Other social activities like fishing or hunting can also be affected. It can be difficult to know how to tell your family and friends that you won’t be having a slice of turkey for Christmas dinner or eating Mum’s meatloaf anymore without causing offence.

I find the best rule of thumb is honesty - tell people what you’re doing and why. Most will be more understanding than you’d expect. A couple may be less than thrilled (see number 2 - common reactions to veganism).

If you encounter resistance, try to remember that the thing people fear most is change.

Will you still be the same person? Will this ruin Thanksgiving forever? Will I need to learn how to cook new vegan dishes for you?

If you can successfully let people know that there’s really nothing to worry about, you’ll be halfway to peaceful vegan living. 

2. Common reactions to veganism

Once you out yourself as a vegan, you may run into a few common reactions. Friends, family, co-workers, distant relatives, waiters, shop assistants - you can be sure that pretty much everyone will have some sort of opinion on your choice to go plant-based.

These range from the unoriginal (where do you get your protein?) to the ridiculous (what if you were on a desert island with a cow…) to the absurd (fried human babies?) to the genuinely curious (how did you go vegan?). Below are a few more to be aware of:

Morally superior?

Unfortunately this one is all too common! Many people assume that because you’ve chosen a plant-based lifestyle, that you think yourself morally superior to others. This can in turn lead to defensiveness.

It’s a shame, because really the notion that veganism is linked to moral superiority is a misconception. The choice to be vegan is no more morally superior than the choice to send your child to the best school you can afford or to buy fairly traded bananas.

Everyone’s a nutritionist

It’s ironic that people become overly interested in the amounts of protein, iron and calcium you’re eating when you go vegan. It seems taken for granted that a standard meat and dairy heavy diet will give you all the nutrients you need to thrive, despite the fact that many omnivores consume much less fibre than is recommended and much more fat and protein.

Thankfully most vegans are savvy enough to do a little research before changing their diet significantly, so generally know much more than the average Joe about proteins, B12, omega 3 and the like. A well balanced and varied vegan diet will give you all the nutrients you need to thrive (with the addition of a B12 supplement) and not nearly as much of the fat, animal protein and cholesterol. 

Defensiveness 

No matter how unassuming a vegan you happen to be, you might encounter defensiveness sometime. The mere mention that you’re vegan can provoke a chorus of: ‘I could never be vegan’, ‘can’t live without cheese’, ‘you’ll never convert me!’.

Defensiveness also crops up in those who relentlessly discuss why we were meant to eat meat and how good it is for us. Sometimes you just have to resort to a polite smile and nod and change the subject.

Confession time

Angsty Anna: ‘You’re vegan?’

Me: ‘Yup’

Angsty Anna: ‘Well, we don’t eat much meat either - hardly any at all in fact!’ ‘I mean, we occasionally have a good, lean steak every now and then, but it’s always with salad. And Defensive Doug does like his bangers and mash! Sunday morning we’ll have bacon if the family comes over, always humane of course…’

See, Anna and Doug probably eat a little more meat than they realise. Chicken, fish, eggs, cheese, milk and butter too.

I used to be one of those omnivores who also thought I didn’t eat very much meat. Then I went vegan and discovered just how much ‘not very much’ was. Next time you encounter Anna and Doug, just let them do the talking for a little while.

Evangelical meat eaters 

These people really are special - not just content to let you eat your plant-based dish while muttering ‘yes! more meat for me’ they have to try and coax you into trying a pork chop. The other incarnation of the evangelical meat eater is the one who declares they will eat two hamburgers because you opt for a veggie burger.

Unfortunately I don’t really have any advice for dealing with these people, other than to move tables!

The caveman

Intent on finding every skerrick of evidence that humans were meant to eat meat, the caveman will list biological attributes you never even knew you had. Often resorts to citing our place at the top of the food chain as cause to justify breeding and slaughtering millions of animals annually to feed our palates. 

Thrilled

Lastly, I’m happy to be able to list those who are thrilled to learn you’re vegan. These people are real gems!

Whether they’re interested in new recipes and foods, want your advice on the best way to cook legumes, or always on the look out for vegan chocolates for you, these are the people who make living vegan in a non-vegan world much more fun!

Remember:

Most of these reactions come from misconceptions about veganism and from a fear that veganism will change you as a person. It pays to remember that if you haven’t been raised vegan, you probably held some of the very same notions about plant-based diets at some stage yourself.

3. Tips for social situations:

Although it’s easy to become cynical or dismissive when faced with these reactions, it’s important to remember that while you may have read widely on the relationship between calcium and protein, the person that you’re talking to may be considering it for the first time.

Here are a couple more pearls of wisdom to keep in mind when chatting about cruelty-free topics:

• Sort the genuinely interested from the rest. There are people who are genuinely interested in hearing about veganism and others who will just try to provoke you - make sure to find out which is which.
• Not at the dinner table. Generally it’s a good idea to discuss animal ethics and the ins and outs of veganism after the plates have been cleared. It makes for much better digestion whether you’re vegetarian or not.
• Listen, listen and listen some more. You can have some really interesting conversations when you focus on listening and finding out about someone else’s opinion more than talking about being vegan. 
• Engage. Ask what people think about veganism, what they think about animals - try to engage people. 
• Be patient. Learning about veganism can be emotional, confusing and draining - especially if you’re contemplating issues for the first time. 
• Plant seeds. You don’t have to give everyone you meet an essay on the benefits of plant-based living. Try planting seeds instead - drop a good natured question or comment into the conversation that will get them thinking later.
• If you don’t know, say so. Don’t be afraid to not have all the answers!
• Lighten up. If you lighten up during a conversation those around you are going to feel more relaxed and less under attack. Smile, make a joke or two.
• Stick up for yourself. While I generally encourage gentle activism and patience, don’t let yourself be bullied, walked over or teased. If you do people will have a hard time taking you seriously. 
• Respect. Respect yourself and others. Don’t pressure people into going vegan, instead try and get them thinking about the issues involved. 

4. Practical notes:

Now that you’re clued up on how to handle sticky vegan situations, here’s a couple of practical notes to take with you as you venture forth into society.

• Weddings - Weddings are often complicated and elaborate affairs these days, but thankfully most require an rsvp where you can make it clear that you would like a vegan meal if possible. It helps to also check personally with the bride or groom to make sure they can accommodate you. If you’re really not sure if your request will be met have a light snack beforehand. 
• Dinner parties - Dinner parties can be a great way to introduce your friends to vegan food - most people are really curious about what you eat. If you’re invited to a dinner party, try asking the host if there will be anything suitable for you to eat and also offer to bring a vegan dish along. 
• Hotels - If you’re staying somewhere with a breakfast service, let the hotel know you’re vegan. If it’s a buffet you might be out of luck, although generally fruit and some vegetables will be on offer. Check that they are cooked in vegetable oil, not butter. 
• Planes - Most airlines allow you to choose a vegan option these days, but whether or not you receive something vegan can be another issue all together! Have a light snack beforehand and take a few energy bars along just in case. 

Need some diplomatic advice?

If you have an issue or situation relating to veganism and family / friends, get in touch by emailing sarahATtheveganmentorDOTcom